I turned 33 on June 4th, I knew I wanted to make it a good year but didn’t really know what that meant for me. I actually went into it thinking I needed to be making more of an effort to go out to bars again and hang out with more people. I was going to make more friends I told myself. I was going to be happier. Going to become a different, more outgoing version of me, I said.
I had no intention of letting go of alcohol at this time, I drank a lot on my birthday, and a lot more the days following that. And I exhausted myself trying to plan “extroverted” things to do for my birthday that didn’t even make me happy. I was pretending to be someone else because I thought that’s who I wanted to become.
About a week after my birthday I was looking at myself in the mirror and couldn’t even recognize who I saw.
Not just physically, but I could see the pain in my soul.
It wasn’t me. I wasn’t proud. I felt stuck.
I felt trapped in a toxic cycle that I knew I wanted to break out of.
I reached out to my BODi sisters in a message group on IG, June 15th saying, “I was wondering if any of you would want to be my accountability partner with not drinking alcohol…Maybe not like forever ya know but I want to stop for a while and I need to be honest about it and ask for support if any of you are feeling the same, let me know”. I didn’t know who else to talk to and I’m so thankful to have created a space like that where I feel comfortable. They loved me and supported me.
I started sharing more in my BODi Community and I create a separate group message for those interested in not drinking with me, supporting others has always helped me... but a week after opening the new group I decided to write in there telling the girls I felt it was best for me to close it, not because I didn’t want to do this anymore, but I needed real help from an outside source. I knew I couldn’t make it real by trying to “lead” my girls... I needed someone leading me.
I searched sober apps and downloaded like 8 of them. I was mostly just looking for a tracker to help me count how many days I don’t drink and such. I deleted some, used a couple, one was called Reframe. On July 8th, I was looking at the app and saw they had an Alcohol-Free meeting starting in like 5 minutes so I hopped on. Kevin, @thesoberginger was hosting it, and I thought to myself... Hey, I remember this guy from a couple years ago when I broke up with booze. I am pretty sure I followed him at some point and then probably unfollowed him when I started drinking again.
I decided, July 8th will be the day I take my sobriety seriously. I plugged myself into the community, posted publicly online about my struggles for accountability. I was joining an alcohol-free zoom meeting a few times a week, always with my camera off. Just listening, I used the chat feature and shared with my words sometimes which felt good. About 2 weeks of listening, I was inspired by a girl who was close to my age, to turn my camera on, raise my hand and share with my voice. It was so scary, I cried, I was sweaty and shaking, but I knew I needed to make this real. I shared some of the reasons I needed to do this and the support I got from the community was incredible. It was uncomfortable to share out loud but it felt good to open up, I ended up sharing 2 more times on meetings with my voice within my first month and decided that this was worth the investment for me.
Reading other people’s posts on the Reframe forum helped me know I’m not alone. I love posting on the forum too, there was a time when I was triggered to drink and honestly said, “okay I’m going to post and if anyone see it like fast and encourages me not to drink, then I won’t”. I put my phone down, come back a couple minutes later, and I have a comment from people saying they won’t drink with me. Every time I have posted, someone has seen it and supported me. Honestly I’m blown away by the love from the community and it definitely makes me want to pour my love right back into it! I love checking the forum just to spread love to others because I know how much it helps me!
Another thing that has really been helping me is 1 on 1 coaching. I was hesitant to invest into myself in that way, but having a coach has been such a great support system and accountability for me. I definitely recommend the Reframe app if you are curious about changing your relationship with alcohol. They have a cutback track and alcohol-free track, you can switch between the two until you find what’s right for you.
You can try it here: (Get 1 Week FREE + 25% Off Membership)
The community and coaching has definitely made all the difference but what the app is teaching me is what is helping me never question the decision to live my life without booze. It’s based on neuroscience, there are daily tasks each day that you can do, and they really help you learn why your brain and alcohol does what it does.
One thing that I learned that switched my way of thinking was that when I drink alcohol it decreases my body's natural ability to produce dopamine and other feel-good substances.
I definitely don’t want that.
I already struggle with my happy hormones and I am not interested in putting anything into my body that is going to reduce my dopamine levels even more.
As I write this 1000 hours dry, 42 days, I am fucking proud of me. I’m excited about life again. I don’t feel stuck. I look forward to strengthening the connections I have with the people I love and I’m excited to continue making new friends while living this alcohol-free life!
The bar life is not where I thrive.
And I’m happy about that!
If you are curious what life is like without booze, I support you in your decision to change your life.
You have me in your corner, and I’m rooting for you!
You don’t have to wait until you hit rock bottom to decide you deserve better.
Reach out if you want to talk!
I’ll be sharing more, so check back soon.